When I Say I Love You...

a love inspired blog hop with the ladies of Exhale Creativity

I mean I am yours.

I mean when I vowed to love you forever, I meant it.

I mean even though we had no idea what love would put us through, we’re still here.

When I say I love you

It means I remember when you first kissed me and I noticed the water on the Mediterranean sea below us matched the blue in your eyes and I wanted to be the one you looked at forever.

It means I remember when grief consumed my whole body and I didn’t have words to tell you that but you held me while my tears and snot mingled on your sweater and I knew I wanted to be held by you forever. 

It means I remember when we ate Chipotle on the floor of our new home with our toddler running in circles in the empty room around us. Our dreams weren't yet stifled by bills and disappointment and I wanted to dream with you forever. 

It means I remember the time I drove across town in the dark of midnight loaded up with two sleeping babes in the backseat just to make sure you were safe. Just to make sure you were still ours.

When I say I love you

It means I see the man who rubs my back when I'm tired,

and prays with our children when they are scared, 

and who isn't afraid to show his tears when his heart has been grieved with injustice. 

 When I say I love you

it means yes to marriage counseling, again

it means yes to the conversation I don’t want to have, again

it means yes to putting us first, again and again and again. 

When I say I love you,

I mean, “the coffee is ready”,

I mean, “thank you for wearing the matching Christmas sweaters”,

I mean, “your lunch has been packed”. 

When I say I love you, 

I mean will you walk me through my unknown? 

I mean will you still know who I am when it feels like being their mom is sometimes at odds with being your wife? 

I mean will forgiveness still lace us together when we feel like we are coming undone? 

When I say I love you

It means I'm dreaming of gray hair and wrinkled skin reaching for my hand across the dinner table. 

When I say I love you

it means I thank God everyday for the eager young 20 -somethings in Bible school who just wanted to love God and love His people and in the midst of trying our best at both, we chose each other, too. 

When I say I love you

it means the steadiness that calms my anxiety,

and reminds me of truth,

and brings me back to goodness,

and makes hope spring alive in all the places I’ve given up

is because of

you. 

This post is part of a blog hop with Exhale—an online community of women pursuing creativity alongside motherhood, led by the writing team behind Coffee + Crumbs. Click here to view the next post in the series "Ours".